friday funny.

Early on in my pregnancy I signed up for the BabyCenter Pregnancy Bulletin. I get an email or two a day and honestly end up deleting them without reading. This week, however, I received an email titled "What Labor Really Feels Like: The Real Story on What it Feels Like to Give Birth - and Just How Painful is it?" and it sucked me in, naturally.

I'm sure most women who read this bulletin went into extreme panic mode and headed for the hills, but not me. No sir, it cracked.me.up.

Here is a little taste of what I have to look forward to in t-minus 49 days, give or take:

• I felt like I was being run over by a train.
• I begged my hubby to throw me out of the car on the way to the hospital, it hurt so bad.
• It was like someone was squeezing my insides as hard as they could.
• It was like being slammed in the uterus with a sledgehammer while simultaneously being squeezed by a powerful vise.
• It felt like I was being impaled on a hot fireplace poker.
• It was like someone took a serrated knife and stabbed me in the top of my stomach slowly, slowly sawed downward to my pubic bone, and then stopped for a few minutes and started all over again.
• It felt like a Mack truck running over my spine over and over again.
• It felt like a knife in my back with every contraction. I was literally trying to get away from my own back.
• It felt as though a 400 pound man was pressing down on each hip.
• It felt like a big poop to be completely honest.
• Pushing felt awful — like I was constipated times a hundred and trying to push a baby out of my butt!

Sweet. Can't wait.